Guilt

laughterTears. Lots of tears.

Arms flailing, screams echoing through the house. A chorus of doors slamming and feet stomping rattle the walls.

Dr. Jekyll, meet Mr. Hyde.

So often people tell us that Isabella seems so happy, always full of smiles. We share photos of her with her silly grin, stretching from ear to ear, proud of this and happy about that. To the outsider she seems like a toddler full of so much joy, conquering each daily challenge with a hop in her step and a shine in her eyes.

But not today.

Today she is losing…and so are we.

One of the many challenges of type 1 diabetes is that its affects can vary person by person. Some can feel their lows coming, getting tired and shaky. Others, like Isabella, show no sign that their blood sugar is falling to a dangerous level. In fact, Isabella is almost always giddy and laughing when she is low.

As difficult as it is to tell her lows, her highs are hard to miss. The happy, goofy 4-year-old disappears and an anger-filled stranger takes her place and, as has become routine, she is exiled to her room until she calms down…usually falling asleep, exhausted from screaming and crying.

And I feel guilty.

I feel guilty because I know her body is playing a mean game of “Perfection”…just waiting for the sand timer to run out while trying everything to get her blood sugar back in range before scattering all of the pieces to the ground. No matter how hard we try, it always seems like the sand is faster than the insulin running through her body and we lose…a lot.

But there she is, sent to her room to cry it out and sleep it off. Kept home from a classmate’s birthday party because of her diabetes-assisted tantrum. Punishment for a disease she didn’t choose and for effects she can’t control.

And I feel guilty.

We get home from the party and prepare for bath time. I’m still angry at Isabella for her earlier fit, and even more frustrated that she doesn’t understand why she couldn’t go with her brother and sister. As she steps into the tub a mix of emotions hit me as I catch a glimpse of the technology keeping her alive. An insulin pod attached to her arm and her continuous glucose monitor embedded in her lower back…my robotic daughter.

And I feel guilty. And I am mad. Mad at this disease and mad at what it does to my beautiful little girl. Mad that I can only control so much and mad that I feel guilty for trying to parent the best way that I can.

And tomorrow we’ll flip the sand timer again…

Cheers to Changing the World~
Kristina

Captured by Kelly Photography – Mini Sessions to Benefit JDRF!

Very excited to announce that the super-talented Captured by Kelly Photography will be hosting special mini sessions for TWO days, April 5th & 6th, and donating a portion of each session to JDRF in Isabella’s name! We have had Kelly take our family photos multiple times and they are always amazing.

If you are in NE Ohio & would like pics for Easter, or just new family photos, this is a wonderful opportunity AND you’ll be supporting a great cause. Please see the flyer below for more info about how to schedule your time slot. Thank you for supporting our journey to a cure for type 1 diabetes!Captured by Kelly

World Diabetes Day!

November is Diabetes Awareness Month and each year on November 14th, millions of people around the world celebrate World Diabetes Day.  Created in 1991 by the International Diabetes Federation and the World Health Organization, the day is celebrated with advocacy and awareness initiatives such as walks, monument lightings (including the Great Wall of China, the Christo Redentor in Rio,  the CN Tower in Toronto, the Empire State Building, the Puente de la Mujer in Argentina and the London Eye!) and free diabetes screenings.  The date November 14th was selected for World Diabetes Day in honor of Sir Frederick Banting, one of two men credited for the discovery of insulin and in 2007 it became an official United Nations Day!

So what will we do to celebrate Diabetes Awareness Month and World Diabetes Day?  We want YOU to help us!  Isabella’s super-creative aunt, Christy, founder of Christy Burke Designs has created our very own Inspired by Isabella version of the World Diabetes Day logo and we hope you’ll share it!  Just save the image below and upload it as your profile photo in Facebook, Twitter…or both!

As always, thanks so much for your support of our journey to a cure for type 1 diabetes…we truly couldn’t do it without all of you!

WDDlogo (1)

Our Story and Glu!

Screen Shot 2013-08-27 at 9.51.48 PMWe received great news today that Glu, an online community for people with type 1 diabetes, posted an article about our family!  Not only that, it’s the feature story on their home page right now 🙂 What a wonderful way to celebrate the eve of Isabella’s 1-year Diaversary of being diagnosed with T1D.

Here’s a link to the Glu site so you can all check it out:

www.myglu.org

PS-Thanks to our very talented photographer friend Captured by Kelly Photography for taking the beautiful photos that accompany the article.